The Whispering Woods

The Rover broke down three miles from base. Of course it did.

Steam hissed from the engine block. The vehicle groaned and settled into the purple mud.

"Radiator," Jax diagnosed, slamming his hand on the dashboard. "We blew a seal."

"We're in the Whispering Woods," Kara noted, checking the GPS. Her voice was tight.

The Whispering Woods were a notorious patch of Sector 4. The trees here were white, leafless, and possessed a hive-mind consciousness that liked to vocalize a person's deepest insecurities.

"Great," Jax grabbed his rifle. "Just ignore them. They lie."

They stepped out of the vehicle. The air was cold and damp.

*“He’s not good enough for you,”* a birch tree to the left whispered. Its voice sounded like Kara’s mother.

Kara flinched.

*“She thinks you’re a coward,”* an oak tree hissed at Jax. *“You hide behind your bombs because you’re afraid of real feelings.”*

"Shut up," Jax muttered, kicking the tree.

"We need to fix the engine and go," Kara said, unlatching the hood. "Squishy? Stay in the car."

Squishy did not stay in the car.

The Spawn hopped out. It looked around the woods, absorbing the psychic pressure. The trees were loud. The tension between Jax and Kara was loud. The Spawn was getting bigger. It was now the size of a pony.

"Jax," Kara said, staring at the engine. "This isn't a mechanical failure. The fuel line has turned into... licorice?"

"What?" Jax walked over. Sure enough, the rubber hose had transmuted into a long, black rope of candy.

"It’s the reality distortion," Jax said. "The longer we stay here, the weirder it gets."

Behind them, a sound echoed. It sounded like an organ playing a wedding march, but in a minor key, played by someone slamming their fists on the keys.

They turned around.

Squishy had expanded. It had merged with the atmosphere of the woods. A shimmering, translucent bubble had formed around the clearing, cutting them off from the rest of the sector.

Inside the bubble, reality was being rewritten.

The trees twisted together to form an archway. The mud solidified into a white aisle runner. The screaming chocolates from earlier were now floating in the air like confetti.

Squishy stood at the end of the aisle. It was wearing a priest’s collar made of bone.

"Uh," Kara said, her hand drifting to her sidearm. "Jax. Why does the monster look like it wants to officiate a wedding?"

"I don't know!" Jax shouted, his voice cracking. "Maybe it’s a cult thing!"

"Jax," Kara stepped closer to him. "The psychic energy. It feeds on *unspoken desire*. What exactly have you been thinking about lately?"

Jax looked at the Eldritch Wedding Chapel. He looked at the meat-flowers lining the aisle. He looked at Kara, standing there in her combat gear, looking more beautiful than any bride he had ever seen.

He couldn't lie. The trees wouldn't let him.

*“He wants to marry you,”* the trees chorused, laughing. *“He’s been planning the proposal for three years.”*

Jax closed his eyes. "I’m going to detonate myself."

"You... what?" Kara stared at him. "Jax?"

"It’s the monster!" Jax deflected desperately. "It’s messing with my head! I don't—I mean, we’re partners! It’s professional!"

Squishy roared. It wasn't an angry roar. It was a demanding one. It gestured with a massive tentacle toward the altar.

* NOW,* the psychic voice boomed in their heads. *KISS.*

"It’s trying to matchmaking us," Kara realized, horror and amusement warring on her face. "It’s an eldritch shipper."

"We have to kill it," Jax said, raising his grenade launcher. "It knows too much."